essays

Thank Google!

Ulysses GrantThat’s right -- thank Google. How else would you know for sure how to spell diarrhea? Or where to find the best dim sum in Tulsa (or if there is any dim sum in Tulsa). Or directions to your new dentist. Or reviews of your new dentist. Or if your new dentist has ever been arrested.

I mean what the hell would we do without Google? It’s become a daily part of all our lives. What did we do before Google? Sit in darkness and ignorance? I remember, many years ago (that would be in the 80s), when you could still call the local library in any large city and ask them questions. It might be that you had a bar bet riding on the answer or you were sitting around your office trying not to work and a discussion ensued with a difference of opinion. You picked up the phone and asked a librarian if Ulysses Grant is really buried in Grant’s Tomb. And how sick is this? I just Googled his name to make sure Ulysses is spelled correctly. And he really is buried there in New York. Again, thanks to Google, I can report:

Overlooking the Hudson River from the Morningside Heights Lady Gagasection of Manhattan, General Grant National Memorial is the largest tomb in North America. Grant's Tomb (as it is commonly called) is not only the final resting place of the General but a memorial to his life and accomplishments.

Google has become the world’s largest depository of information -- it knows all, sees all. In particular, the Google engineers must watch in total fascination as the world beats a path to its portal. I think I read somewhere that in the Google headquarters lobby you could see the most popular search words popping up on a large screen. If it’s true, they must filter out all the sexual/porn references, but even that could still leave you with a lot of Lady Gaga’s and Kardashians.

Just how pervasive has Google become? The other day I heard myself say “Oh, thank Google,” instead of “Oh, thank God.”

Google vs God. Both are all knowing and apparently all seeing. This is serious.

...and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under Google, invisible, with information and facts for all.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

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