fiction

In Jeopardy

Alex TrebekM: So, the one thing you wish you had done, but didn’t and now you think it’s too late?

W: I wanted to be on Jeopardy.

M: The TV quiz show? That Jeopardy?

W: Yes. I thought I would be good at it. I read a lot, I have scads of useless knowledge floating around in my brain, my reflexes are good for buzzing in to answer, I could have been a contender.

M: You’re serious.

W: Oh yes. Alex Trebek would make me a little nervous, but I think I could have gone very far.

M: Not Wheel of Fortune though.

W: No, no, no. Not Wheel of Fortune. Jeopardy is a true test of knowledge. Besides, if you appear on Wheel of Fortune or any quiz show or even a reality show, then you can’t be a contestant on Jeopardy.

M: You’ve looked into this for real.

W: Uh huh. Took the practice test. You know it’s Jeopardy answerAmerica’s Favorite Quiz Show.

M: I didn’t know that. Wait. There’s a practice test?

W: To weed out the wannabees, sure. From the What A Chacter category: Topsy and Simon Legree are both characters in this bestselling novel. Beep-beep. What is Uncle Tom’s Cabin?

M: Amazing.

W: How about Word Origins. This term for a person who works for various employers comes from knights who sold their skills. Beep-beep. What is freelance?

M: You’re on a roll.

W: I’ll take Actresses for $600. Whoo-whoo-whoo. Oh, wow. It’s the Double Jeopardy. In 2008, she played Daisy, the lifelong friend of Benjamin Button. Who is Cate Blanchett?

M: You’re very good at this.

W: Well, you can reveal the answers on the website practiceJeopardy answer test, so it’s not a true challenge.

M: But still -----

W: How about Music for $800? Cecilia Bartoli has unearthed and sung several forgotten arias by this Four Seasons composer. Who is Antoini Vivaldi?

M: It’s not too late. You could still go for it.

W: I don’t think so. If you watch the show regularly, you’ll see that the oldest person around is Alex. They don’t want baby boomers. I think they are shooting for a younger demographic now. I guess that’s how they will keep an audience long after we’re all in assisted living facilities.

M: You’re getting dark about this.

W: It’s true. Not only am I never going to be ON Jeopardy, I’ve crossed the line to a the place where I’m IN jeopardy.

M: Nine teaspoons equals this many tablespoons?

W: What is six?

M: Toot-toot. No, I’m sorry. The correct answer is What is three? What is three.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

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