health

Tori Tori Tori

“That’s some mouth you got Mark,” Dr. Blevins said throwing up his hands.

He was giving up on my mouth. He said to take my mouth and go to Costa Rica and see if I could find a dentist down there to replace my crown.

I have tori mandibular.

A Torus on each side of my palate. Two torus = tori. (see A & B )

I lost a crown a year ago and since it didn’t hurt I didn’t bother to have it replaced. At the next check up with Dr. Blevins, he said I should have the crown replaced because the tooth could decay. He said he would make a new mold and have another crown made and fix it. Three molds later, he has given up.

Ever had a crown? You know that nasty tasting junk they shove in the tray to make an impression? Because of my torus mandibularis my mouth gives them a bad impression if they use a tray.

Holly, the dental tech, shoved a gob of that dental play dough in my pie hole.

Three times.

Three times she sent the mold to where-crowns-are-made. Three times they sent back a crown. Three times Dr. Blevins attempted to conquer my Tori! Tori! Tori!

Fail. Fail. Fail.

My torus mandibularis had beaten Dr. Blevins at his game.

My mouth has been known to send some adults away, but for sure, when I show a kid my torus mandibularis I get a great reaction.

First there is the recoil in disgust and then there is the fascination with “those things.”

Do they hurt?

Nope, they are just like my gums to me.

Will they get bigger?

Yes, but they took a life-time to get this big, so I won’t have tusks as I age.

What’s it feel like?

This is the hardest. This is my normal mouth. Since I never had a mouth without torus mandibularis, I don’t know any different. It’s my normal, which is abnormal. Heard that before too.

Does food get caught?

OMG, yes. Good lord there is nothing worse than getting a kernel of popcorn lodged down there. The only way to get it out is to swish it out.

Letter C represents my retirement fund. Silver is on the rise and my mouth is getting more valuable by the minute. Just hope the torus mandibularis don’t grow over my estate.

When the heirs gather around and my will is read, I want them to think good thoughts when the lawyer says, “That’s some mouth Mark has.”

Mark Van Patten writes a blog called Going Like Sixty and has been married to the same woman since 1968.

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