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Paging Senator Craig

bathroom stallsAirport bathrooms aren’t what they used to be. There was a time when you got off a flight and hustled to the first restroom you saw along with every other passenger. You rolled your suitcase in and looked for an empty stall and took care of your business. The spaces have gotten better with some attention to design, but sterile looking white tile and dull stainless steel are still the norm. The germ factor has been addressed by the installation of faucets that turn on when you put your hands under them and towel dispensers that also have motion sensors. If your goal is to minimize your contact with bacteria, airport bathroom designers are on your side now.

But what if your goal is to engage the bacteria? What if you are actively seeking some human contact? First suggestion -- stall interiorforget Minneapolis. Second suggestion -- stay out of airport bathrooms all together. I want my airport bathroom to be the place I go one more time before we line up to get on board and the first place I go when we land. I don’t want to meet people there and I don’t want to linger there. I don’t want to feel it necessary to worry about how wide my stance is or dropping a piece of paper on the floor, and I sure as hell won’t to be waving my hands around down by my feet, I know that.

The last time I was in an airport bathroom I had this perverse idea (which I thought better of) of yelling out, “Is there a Larry Craig in here? Senator Larry Craig?” I know some people would have laughed out loud, but most would have maintained their anonymity, because after all, that’s what you should do in a public restroom. In an airport. When you’re a United States Senator.

bathroom mirrosBeyond the stupidity of seeking out assignations in an airport restroom, is the question why would anyone want to spend any more time in public restroom than they had to. It’s not like it’s a VIP lounge with cushy sofas, flatscreen TV’s and free snacks. It’s a smelly bathroom that could be cleaned every hour on the hour and that still wouldn’t be enough to make you want to linger a second longer than you needed. The last thing you want to be doing there is looking through stall cracks or trying to make contact with fellow human beings. The plan is simple. Get in, get out, and avoid any contact with a U.S. Senator.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

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